Highs and Lows

Blog post written by Katie-Lily Bryant from her blog http://katielilyxo.tumblr.com/

 

"I haven’t wrote in too long, I am sorry. This is for many many reasons. 

1) I have a lot of good things happening and I’ve been super busy

2) I have also had some crappy stuff happen and come to light 

3) I feel like no one would want to read this anymore?

 

So to start on a positive note...

 

THE HIGHS

Lots of brilliant opportunities and things have come up. I have got myself a job! I am now working in an department store in Farnham called Elphicks. I am doing Saturdays, however am doing a lot of extra shifts up to September( keeps me occupied and more money in my purse!!) This is really exciting for me as I have to interact with customers being a sales assistant, which is really helping with my anxiety. I also am floating at the moment so am working on different departments every week! At first this seemed a daunting task as its completely out my comfort zone, but I am really enjoying meeting new people and being able to work in lots of different areas. 

College is slowly rearing  it’s head which is nerve-wrecking but also very exciting! It will be great to go back to education and learn and study something I am so passionate about, makeup! It will be a new start for me, I need something fresh and new which will excite me and motivate me. I think this course and college will be excellent. I am soon going to be ordering my kit and necessarys, which comes to over £700!!! (sorry mum!) 

 

THE LOWS

I won’t talk about the lows for much as I want my blog to be as cheery as possible, but also being REAL! Everyone goes through bad patches and this is mine. My anxiety is bad like no other at the moment, all my medication has been changed and changed again, which caused complications! My anxiety at work is actually OK! I am enjoying talking to customers and colleagues and getting to everybody! It is more when I am at home or by myself thoughts and my anxiety come. Also something which is old news to me has recently became new news to people close to me, as stuff has come to light. I am not ready to talk about it and maybe I never will (as I keep my blog raw and true but sometimes things need to kept to myself.) I have had a few meetings/sessions with CAMHS and other organisations, so hopefully things will get easier for me. 

 

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Today I went on a bike ride! This was my first proper (well not proper but proper to me) exercise since before I ill! It killed me, I was sweating, Feeling so ill and I only was 2 minutes down the road! But seriously, just something as little as that really affects me for days after! There were so many times when I was close to tears, or cried and would of turned back. But I had my mum. She waited with me when I needed a break (which was very often), kept behind me at my pace, didn’t pressure me into going further/faster. By the end we (me paul and mum) did about 3 miles! I WAS SO PROUD!! I had the tear halfway through as I felt terrible, I felt a failure. I am a 16 year old and I am struggling to do this. I compare myself to friends who go the gym, walk around town, to the shops, play sports without a worry. Of course they will sweat and get tired. Its the little things like that which get to me, things that I used too, as pretty much everyone does, takes advantage of. We ride a bike, walk to town, play a sport without really thinking. Things like that I cant do right now and probably won’t for another year or so. But aslong as I remember how far I have come, What my body has been through and tomorrow, or in two years time, I will do normal things that I used to be able to do and I will feel more like a normal teenager then everything will be ok. Sometimes we all need to stop focusing on how we are going to get there, but the steps we have already made to get to where we are today, stay positive and keep smiling xx 

Lots of Love Katie-Lily xxxxx"