Making goals a reality and stroking people daily

 

Teen post by Melissa Dowell - http://queenofmybrokenscene.weebly.com/

  

 

"The titles a little misleading isn't it? Stay with me though because soon you'll learn just how important it is to stroke someone, preferably at least once a day.

Last week it was the reunion activity stay with my favourite charity Teens Unite, it's hard to believe that it's been 8 months since I first met all these beautiful humans and first got involved with this charity, this also means that it's been 8 months since my last chemo and time is moving way to fast.
It was nice knowing I'd be meeting up with familiar faces who've been through the same b.s and knowing what to expect and to have a break away from all the sh*t and be able to be inspired and surrounded by good company again." 

 

 

"One activity that really stood out for me was the Shine workshop led by Cliff Findlay. I'm a bit funny with motivational speakers mainly cause you can see through the sh*t they're spouting and obviously don't practice what they preach also I'm usually inspired for about 2 seconds, Also one of the most annoying things about motivational speakers is their refusal to accept failure and despite trying our hardest sometimes things just don't go our way and we can't control every aspect of our lives. I get easily distracted and bored with listening to someone ramble on about becoming the second coming of Jesus but Cliff was different, Cliff was more of a realistic speaker who recognised that while we should aspire to be who we want to be we're humans and humans can and will f**k up. I admire someone who says "hiii I've f**ked up I still have my flaws but this is what I want to do and I'm going to get there just give me 5 years" as opposed to "I'm the best flawless human in the world and everything in my life is organic and pure". 

 

"So I was faced with a 20 page booklet asking me about my goals, on the first page I was asked what age I think I'm going to die, this has always been a touchy subject despite being faced with a life threatening illness, I don't see the point predicting when I'm going to die, the thought of me dying or being dead is irrelevant to me I don't see it as a motivator for me to achieve my goals either. You could either be sat in a rocking chair comfortable knowing you've achieved all you've wanted to or you could be hit by a bus tomorrow at the ripe old age of 22 life death doesn't care about your age, so I skipped that activity and moved on to the 3 things I like about myself, why is this the hardest question we can ever be asked? Why is it easy to say three things we hate about ourselves but not what we think we're good at? Because our brain is programmed to be a little bitch and our beliefs become our thoughts which become our words which become our actions."

 

 

One of the best things Cliff taught me was everything that I can't control is bs and irrelevant opinions, for example one of my goals is to see Liverpool win the Premier League, that's bs and not because Liverpool are currently mid table but because I have no control over it, is it really a life goal, it'd be nice to experience and to tell people I was there but it's irrelevant and I wouldn't gain much from it. Another more important thing we can't control is how other people perceive us. We've all got a goal in our heads that someone doesn't approve of and we will be affected by this whether that person is important to us or an old high school friend we're affected by other peoples judgements of us and it's bs, so you don't want to upset your parents because you realise university is no longer for you, doesn't matter it's not their life or their decision, you want to travel the world but your Nan is worried about money and your safety, ask her for a tenner and say you'll call her and tell her what the weather is like.
With the release of the Panama papers this week and Donald Trump being a genuine contender to be the next US President, society is confirmed to be f**ked so we might as well have some fun and do this weird thing were we're nice to strangers and actually try and achieve what we dream of , we're all going to die anyway.

 

 

A lot of people tell us to achieve our goals but do we even know what our goals are? Goals aren't just what we want as a job when we grow up or where we want to live, they're especially not what we see on social media and comment 'goals' on. That's all a bit too broad and a bit too overwhelming, I like to think of goals as something to aim for in every aspect of our life and as the Shine booklet points out there are a lot of aspects; social, physical, spiritual, financial, mental, work, family and personal. Fill all them in and we have a lot to aim for. The next page told me to fill in an aim for every aspect of my life again this time with an emotional connection, what would make me die happy? All of a sudden I'm no longer thinking about Liverpool winning the premier league sitting in the Kop with my dad, I'm imagining meeting my deadlines reporting on Liverpool winning the premier league, sitting at Anfield on the phone typing away, because even though I can't control what Liverpool do I'm still allowed to dream about it. I'm ignoring all the sexist and misogynist comments I've had the pleasure of hearing at the football and ignoring the fact that when I had the pleasure of working behind a bar in the media room at Wembley stadium at an England game, I was the only female there surrounded by male sports journalists.

 

 

Back to the Shine workbook and now I had to narrow it down to three goals, one short term, one medium and one long and I had 5 years to achieve this, sounds a bit heavy but break your long term goal down and take it step by step and all of a sudden it's not to scary and actually quite realistic. Now bring in that you don't give a shit about other peoples opinions and what society expects of you and you're the most important person, that goal will actually be a reality.  There have been plenty of times when I've said when I grow up I want to be a writer especially in sports and I've been told its not a real job, not very realistic or what normal people do, it's not very secure or guaranteed to pay well. I've even been told I'm dyslexic so I can't do that I'm not financially motivated and does that mean that all the writers out there are aliens? Yes sometimes my dyslexia gets in the way but it only means I take longer writing something and reading over it. I also want to travel the world, 'but that's expensive' 'you won't last long on your own' 'it's not realistic'. Yes I'm a liability I'm on my 3rd phone in a year after dropping two down the toilet and actually flushing one but no one told me that means I have to stay locked up in the one city for the rest of my life and also there's this thing called saving your money, you don't spend it all and put it in a savers account and overtime you make enough money to travel somewhere, it's a magical concept I know.

 

Now comes the stroking part, aka the moment I completely lost it, if you stroke something it gets stretchy and grows (it took a good 3 minutes to stop laughing and carry on writing because of this and its 2 o clock in the morning) to be fair Cliff had a point we do grow when someone strokes us... but a stroke doesn't have to be physical, it can be something as simple as being nice and saying thank you or a little smile,a compliment can go along way, despite being on social media almost every moment of the day and thinking we know too much about that person we met pissed in a sticky club toilet, we know nothing about what;s going on in peoples lives we don't know what people are thinking what they're going through and a smile just might be the best thing they experience that day. Although a stroke a day is being a bit of a challenge for me, the same day I decided I would be nice to strangers I crossed a road to avoid talking to one of those charity people about homeless people, they are a bit full on and before I know it I'll probably be asking the bank for a loan to save all the homeless people, I'm sorry street charity stalkers you're f**king annoying and I'm to gullible for you. However I will try and be not so resting b**ch face and stroke other people with a smile.

So thank you Cliff and Teens Unite, I'm now ready to cut toxic people out my life, accept people can be knobs and not give a f**k about peoples opinions especially about me, I have my goals that I will work every day to achieve and not let things I can;t control have too much of an impact. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be  a sports journalist, a bs battle with cancer might have postponed me but I won't let it stop me.

You go out there and have some fun with this f**ked up society, don't be caught on the hamster wheel that is life, you be you and do whatever the f**k you want to do, I'll be rooting for you anyway."